Things I Will (Most Likely) Regret

…While it’s true you’re haunted by your past, it’s truer that you’ve traveled spectacularly far away from it. You swam across a wide and wild sea and you made it all the way to the other side. That it feels different here on this shore than you thought it would does not negate the enormity of the distance you traversed and the strength it took you to do it. - Cheryl Strayed 
Spending too much time hiding myself and covering up in hot weather, on the beach, or any other occasion that means little clothing. Wasting so much time thinking I'm not smart enough, strong enough, or good enough. Those nights when I would pick myself apart, bit by bit and piece by piece. When I didn't jump on that plane after you. Shrinking myself for someone else. Not speaking up when I saw red flags. Not speaking up when I saw white flags. Letting a silly fight stop a friendship from flourishing. Saying yes when I should've said no. Putting myself on the back burner. Hating someone that didn't deserve it. That one week when I used face wipes to wipe off my make-up. The fact that even with everything you did, I still wish you well. Waiting until you were gone to tell you how I've felt about you. That night at your house when I was anything but independent. Letting you see me cry over you. Thinking that being vulnerable and speaking about my feelings was a bad thing. Not realizing sooner that we were the opposite of everything that is good for one another. Not staying the night. Wasting time thinking that missing something meant that I still wanted or needed it. 

These are the things I regret and some that I may regret in the future. Sometimes they keep me up at night, sometimes I don't think about them at all.  Unexpected moments and messy words and unthoughtful decisions were made, but these are also the things that have made me the person I am today. I think that's a good way to celebrate them, right?


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