Advice for The Heartbroken


Cry. A lot. Cry and cry and cry until there is no more tears in your system, and then just be sad and feel all of the things you want to feel. Embrace whatever you feel as it comes. Don't try to cover up your sadness and your heart that is hurting. You went from being with someone all the time and investing time and love to being by yourself and learning how to deal. You're allowed a free pass to be human every once in awhile.

Be sad. Spend a day in bed. Don't change out of your pyjamas. Make coffee. Make more coffee. Watch movies that make you want to cry (Like Crazy) and watch tv shows that make you laugh (Parks and Rec). Eat ice cream for breakfast, french fries for lunch, and chocolate for dinner. You just need a day to let yourself be a sad mess, so be just that. Florence Welch said that it's always darkest before the dawn, and that is so true when it comes to being heartbroken. But after you're sick and tired of being in bed...

Go out. After you get tired of just feeling everything, go out. Whether going out is going to the grocery store to get chocolate chip ice cream or going out for dinner. Wear a dress. Wear a tux. Wear whatever it is that makes you feel incredible and unstoppable. Sometimes an outing where you feel on top of the world is all you need to change a mood. One night out with friends got me out of a bedridden rut I was in and right into a whole new chapter of life, and all it took was a little black dress, some red lipstick, and wonderful gals.

Stop lurking. You'll do this thing where you will go a few weeks without lurking.. And then feel like checking in and your hard work will go down the drain when you end up spending a lot of time in your new job: a 21st century private investigator. They probably aren't doing anything interesting that is worth your precious time, anyways. 

Write. Read. Create. Do anything that gets whatever you're thinking about out of your system. I wrote a bunch when I was sad, and read a lot of books - specifically self-help books. Putting pen to paper helps, too. I wrote to the person that hurt me but never sent it, and that was was very therapeutic. We are in our heads so much we start feeling a little crazy, and making something tangible can help us work it out and realize things we couldn't see before.

Reach. Reach out to other people, whether that's friends you haven't talked to in ages or people you want to be friends with. Losing another person can be seen as a blessing in disguise. Sometimes not everyone you lose is a loss, and sometimes heartbreak teaches us how important friends are. Go to them and ask for help. Text them when you're sad. Listen to their words of comfort and words of advice. Let them see you cry and let them give you a hug when you need it, because that's what friends are for. Let your friends become the ones you cuddle next to in bed, share ice cream and movie dates and fall in love with them instead. Date your friends. Go out on bestie dates. Admire and appreciate them. They'll lift you higher than any man could.

Break your routine. Text your friends Good morning instead. See movies you wouldn't of seen if you were with another person. Go to parties. Stay home on Saturday night and clean your room. Go biking at 3am. Do the things you've wanted to do for ages but never got around to actually doing. Getting your heartbroken opens it up a bit more so you can become a bit more free.

Be lonely. Know what being alone feels like and love your own company. Enjoy the extra room you have in bed. Enjoy not having to think about anyone else but yourself for a change. One of the greatest things I learned is learning to love my own company. I learned to appreciate more things about myself when I got to spend time alone thinking about all of the things that make me, me. You start being more selfish with your time. I may love the thought of love, but I refuse to be with someone just for the sake of being with another person.

Forgive. Forgive them for messing up. Forgive yourself for messing up. Forgive whatever it was that ended it; distance, timing, a lack of love or whatever else it was. Try to forgive all of the known and unknown and don't go crazy trying to piece together the series of unfortunate events that blew out the spark. Things don't always last forever, but sometimes we carry around a lot of bitterness for too long. Learning to let go is an art. When people aren't loving us the way we need them to, sometimes we just need let them go, even when you don't want to. We just need to wish them well and ask for that chapter to never be read again.

Work hard. Change whatever you want about yourself. Work hard to be the person you wish to be. Work hard at your studies, at your job, at your life. Put the work in to create the life you want and the life you deserve.

Protect yourself. The quote “ Sometimes your light attracts moths and your warmth attracts parasites. Protect your space and energy." is incredibly accurate. Not everyone respects you, the way you love, and everything you bring to the table. Learning to choose who gets to hurt you is power. Protect yourself against those moths and parasites. Don't let them dimmer your light or bleed you dry. You're too powerful for that. You deserve to be loved properly and wholly

Remember. Remember your worth. Remember that this is not the end, this is only the beginning. Remember that you have so much time to love more and learn more and grow more into the person you need to be. Remember that you don't need someone by your side to make you become the person you need or wish to be. Remember that you were golden before them and you are (and will continue to be) golden after them. Remember that it's okay to be sad, but remember that you deserve the moon and more. Remember that you'll always be okay, even when you're not.

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