You know when life is so incredibly hard and you want to cry all the time? When you feel like nothing you're doing is right or you truly feel like this is the worst possible thing to ever happen to you? You're being dramatic and feel like you'll never be successful or you'll never have your life together or you may never be - dare I say it - happy? There are so many trying times in a person's life. There are so many times of darkness and hardship and pain. There have been so many times when I've been through those times of darkness and hardship and pain.
But there are so many times of comfort and love and happiness. I look around at my life and I'm constantly reminded by the incredible people that surround me that I can literally do anything, I can be anyone, and I can do great things. I get a great deal of comfort knowing that if I'm not happy with something happening in my life or within myself, I can change it. I can choose to wake up and be excited about life and love and everything that goes along with both of those things. I can choose to be a kinder and softer person, but I can also choose to be strong and assertive. I can also be all of those things at the same time, because I can. I can also learn from mistakes I've made instead of dwelling on them and regretting things I could've, would've, should've done instead. I also don't need to be the same person just because I'm used to it. I'm not stuck.
A year ago, I wrote twenty one things I've learned in twenty one years. In two days, I turn twenty-two. The person who wrote that piece 364 days ago has changed a lot - she is a much stronger, healthier, happier, and more fulfilled person. But a lot of those points on that list were so prominent in the past year. So many things happened; some bad, some good. Some happy, some sad. While talking with a friend over a cup of tea in a café on a rainy day, we talked about when we were freshly nineteen and drunk on the idea of love and lust and things that were probably mistakes but we learned from them anyways. We then spoke about how those people are so far from the people we are now, it was like they only existed for such a short period in our lives. The 'me' at that age seems like a character in a book that I read a really long time ago.
Sometimes it scares me to think about the change in myself from the ages of nineteen to twenty-one, and now, twenty-one to twenty-two. Everything is different but everything is good. (Or - dare I say it - great?) There are so many things happening, so many things to be excited about, so many things to be happy for. As I write this, I'm sitting in the coziest bed with a cup of tea beside me on a cold fall night and if this was a tweet, I'd definitely hashtag the word #HAPPIEST (capitals and all) to represent my little life & I. The cheesiest but the happiest. I used to get anxious when I would think about growing another year older, but there have been so many positive changes with aging, it's more exciting than anything.
(And I get to wake up tomorrow on my birthday and spend the day with some wonderful people, and choose happiness - isn't that great?)