“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful - you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” - Daniell Koepke

I've been reading this quote over and over the past few months. It's taken me awhile to realize that there are people you love and people that love you, but they aren't necessarily healthy for you. There have been times where I've stretched myself too thin for people that I love but aren't good for me, and these are people that I've had in my life since I was young. I've reflected and (over) analyzed and realized that letting people go and loving them from a distance is not only okay, but admirable. To separate the love from the toxicity and to realize that some people are just not good for our souls and our light is such a hard thing to do. Boundaries are important to keep you mentally happy and healthy. I finally feel like I'm on the path to creating a safer space for myself, my thoughts, and my dreams. 

"It’s dark because you are trying too hard. Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them. I was so preposterously serious in those days… Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me… So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling." - Aldous Huxley 

Living lightly is the goal. I'm trying to be a better, more well-rounded person. Not letting negative thoughts or people bring me down, trying to not think poorly of other people, trying not to let small things bother me, trying to not obsess over things that are out of my control, and trying to just let go of all of those things that aren't bringing me light. There have been times when I have not been a good person. I've said things I regret, done things I've definitely regretted, and chose to do things even though I knew they weren't the best for me. I let negativity from those around me (and within myself) at times to bring me to places mentally that I didn't like. I know there are moments when I haven't been considered a good person, but I'm trying. And I'll continue to try and try and sometimes I'll fail, but I know I'll be okay. 

"For if a strong back 
and a heavy heart 
have taught me anything, 
it’s that love does not exist to 
lighten our hearts, love only exists to see
how much we will carry."

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