My, my, my - what a summer it has been.
I wish I could express the feeling I get when I look back on this summer. It was incredible; full of friends, new experiences, self-healing, self-love, growth, and lots of change. And lots of ice cream.
I continuously talk about how important change is, and even now reading that linked blog I feel like that was written years ago by a confused-doesn't-know-where-she's-going girl. This is the first time in a few years that I'm not getting ready to go back to school. Instead, I'm preparing for a new journey - my first (adult) job. This is exciting and terrifying and a million other things. But it's also a sign of change. A change in me, my environment, and the person that I'm becoming (and I think she's a pretty cool gal)
As you may be able to see, the majority of my blog posts are now gone from this little blog. Looking back at those blogs make me laugh so much; I was so young and have no idea what I was saying or thinking or doing. There is such a sweet innocence reading those words and seeing the photos I posted. It's weird for me to look back and see those posts and think, "My dear, you have changed." because I have, and I will continue to change for so many years to come. I keep having to remind myself that I'm 21 and I'm way too young to be talking about looking back on the past, but reflection is a huge part of my daily life now; making sure I'm taking good and bad past experiences and growing from them.
So, the blogs are gone. They all seem too personal and private, and I don't think they need to be read anymore by anyone that isn't me. Let's just say I'm keeping more things to the imagination now. More words written in the book sitting in my nightside table than on the internet. Making moments and memories mine.
There is an Alice in Wonderland quote that says "I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then", and that's how I'm feeling lately. I feel different with every passing day. I'm doing things I've never done before, I'm feeling things I've never felt before, I'm thinking about things I've never thought about before, I'm interested in things I've never been interested in before, and I'm pushing myself more than I have ever pushed myself before. I have the past summer to thank for all of that.
I've been reading the book Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed and I truly love that book with every inch of my body. "Acceptance is a small, quite room." is a quote that I will probably carry in my heart for the rest of my life. Accepting, forgiving, nurturing, loving; these are words that mean so much to me. Learning to accept the person I am, forgiving myself for the things that I'm not-so-proud of and forgiving others, nurturing myself, my own growth and development, and nurturing my relationships with the people around me that I love, and learning to love myself from the inside out. These are all things that have been happening slowly throughout my 21 years of life, but definitely shifted over the summer. I have new aspirations, wonderful and supportive friends & family, and so many great things to look forward to.
It's weird to think the universe unfolds things for us all at the right time. I don't know if I believe in fate or not, but a lot of things are unfolding from recent events and it all feels right.
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