new and old.


a month ago i graduated college. college opened my eyes and made me realize how much potential i have. college became a safe haven and a place of comfort; i got used to walking those halls and sitting in the same spot for three years. it didn't even feel over when the last presentation was made, the final test was written, or when i was saying 'see you at grad!' to my fellow classmates. but it really did feel like a chapter of my life was closing. it had a beginning, a middle and recently, an end. it amazes me to think about how much i've changed from year to year, and even now i look back at the person i was a few months ago and i can see how much i've changed. which is both terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.

but with a chapter closing, it means change is coming. which usually means being thrown into cold water and trying to figure out how to get used to the new environment you're in now. how does one remember how to swim in freezing unknown waters? and how does one do this without a lifejacket? 

a girl i was speaking to just returned home from four years of studying in boston. on saturday, she is flying with whatever she can bring in a suitcase to new york to live in a place she doesn't have yet. in a week. permanently. i was jealous of her in that moment; how wonderful it must feel to jump into cold water instead of being thrown in. having a grasp on your own life (somewhat) and creating the path to where you want to go - that is the ultimate dream. that is what i'm working towards day by day. 

but then i think about all the little things that are new that have been added to my life; new friends, new endeavours, new excitement. and there are always all the little things that are old that are constant in life; old friends, old (but good) habits, and old feelings. sometimes i feel like when there is setback in our lives, the universe likes to give us new things to remind us that life goes on, and it does. there will always be new things to look forward to, and you'll always have the old things to help you through it.

i've been thinking about how important it is to change and to keep changing, and how important it is that i embrace it as it comes. i keep thinking about how important it is to always grow and try to improve always. whether it's to be a better friend, or to just be better at little things (like folding your laundry when it's ready to be taken out of the dryer), or not feeling attached to things that aren't really important (like your hair, or that blouse that you spilled red wine on, or leaving your phone at home when you don't need it. because you really don't).

i've been getting better with all of the above (folding my laundry is now something that i enjoy doing, i don't really care about my hair too much anymore, i try to be more careful about spilling but shirts are replaceable, being more laid back and letting life just happen as it happens, and slowly learning how to detox myself off of the addiction that is my cellular device). 

i recently said to a friend who pointed out the change she's seen in me that as wonderful as it is to have people point out change in you, it's even better when you can see it yourself. 

i'm swimming in this cold water pretty well, if i do say so myself.

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