changing of the seasons

"Suddenly I wonder, ‘Where is the girl that I was last year? Two years go? What would she think of me now?’" — Sylvia Plath
"The fact is that five years ago I was, as near as possible, a different person to what I am tonight. I, as I am now, didn’t exist at all. Will the same thing happen in the next five years? I hope so." — Siegfried Sassoon
The month of March used to consist of some not-so-nice anniversaries; I used to dread the transition of winter to spring and I hated seeing certain dates creep up on the calendar. Recently someone reminded me that anniversaries are about remembering the beginning and using them as a marker for everything else that transpired afterwards, good or bad. They should be used as a way of reflecting on how far you've come and who you have become since that day on that month in that year. I used to feel an itch to write something (that usually sounded like I was trying way too hard to be overly profound and eloquent) as a way to combat how small a lot of those events and anniversaries used to make me feel, but now I'm just remembering that:

To mark an end is to mark a beginning.

Things end and new things begin. Things end and you change because of it. Long gone is the you on that date all those years ago. Things end in order for you to constantly grow and learn and fuck up and start all over again. Sometimes really horrible and shitty things happen that forces you to dig yourself out of it. To mark an end is to mark a beginning. Do not wallow in the past. Stop searching for reasons and excuses to hold on. Use the changing of the seasons to do what trees do in the spring. Lean into your new beginning because to mark an end is to mark also mark a beginning, and spring is a really great time to start fresh.

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c'est la vie

Know that you can start late, look different, be uncertain, and still succeed.

— Misty Copeland
has anyone ever told you that there is no right way to do life? you don't have to be perfect. you don't even have to be good at everything. you just have to make sure that you try. you just have to dig and get dirt under your fingernails and try. you don't need to be a certain age to reach a certain milestone, nor do you have to wait with bated breath, ready to check off things on that 'life checklist' that you're expected to mark off. life isn't meant to be lived that way. there are only a few things you have to do in this life: say thank-you to transit drivers, call your mother back, pay your bills, spend time with your grandmother, say sorry when you're in the wrong, and be kind to others. that's it. besides fucking up and making some mistakes along the way, there really isn't much you're required to do in this life, so why not forge your own path instead of following one that has been set up for you? you don't need to live in a mansion or have millions of dollars or have kids or get married. all of those things are wonderful and some people may want them, but you don't have to. you don't need to have what other people have and you don't need to be doing what everyone else is doing. you don't need to compete with other people on who is living life better. you'll ruin the fun if you try to make a competition out of life. you'll also ruin it if you try to rush it. relax. breathe. ease into the journey. just do what feels right for you—you'll get wherever you're going in time. 

choose to live a life that has been created and cultivated by you. it'll be much better that way.

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